My Elated brain

For an introvert, it means a lot. So, how do I really enjoy?

As silent being the ideal quirk of an introvert, I just love to chat. Especially with a complete stranger. Talking? Only few selective ones. Unlike many people(strangers) with whom you chat, I’m a kind of a person who will be the same when you talk to in-person. Okay, maybe a bit stolid, but it changes depending on you. Listening to music only caused me to think of the future or someone or it just felt really good and I daily listen to them a lot! Not that I want to, but I have to. Thinking about starting with podcasts now.

As much as I want to watch movies with my friends, watching movies in a theater has never be an intriguing thing for me. Of course, I will surely go for movies like Interstellar and Gravity. I prefer watching in my laptop, full HD, earphones plugged in and mainly, no one to intrude into my joy time. Horror, thrillers, romantic, Sci-fi, action, suspense…nahh, I watch every movie with the same enthusiasm. Movies, TV-Series, Anime and what not. I play video games with a lot of focus. Pretty good racer indeed. Online gaming? …not much.  I’m also practicing violin. I try to enjoy it even though it’s hard.

I like to read stuff, like which helps me to think more, without any loon. In fact, I read a lot on the internet. I visit Quora almost daily, I read there a lot actually. I don’t like to be liked by everyone, just one or few are enough for me. As much as I want people to be on my side, I also want critics and haters. Stuff like psychology, facts, memes, thrillers, horror stories, morals, cars, some people…fascinate me. I think I enounce words in a pretty unnatural way. Obviously, I don’t speak much right. I hardly talk to anyone on daily basis. I hardly chat too, but when I connect with someone, it’s eternal joy and there comes my dinner time, chat end and I eat thinking about that chat. Hah, so much for eternity… Here’s something I never told anyone, I think I enjoy being hurt(❤💔). Yeah, you read it right. I enjoy it! Maybe because I like that feeling of lost into the thin air thinking about someone rather than my future. I think I should change it. I will.

Wohh! how could I forget, I love sharing stuff with people…and when I say people, I mean the special or close ones in my life, for example, someone who speaks my mind(perhaps heart if that’s what you call those stuff )so well that I don’t even need to speak out, someone who make me realize stuff which I never thought in that way, someone who crossed my life and turned it all over again…someone who deserves to know my stuff. There are very few selective someones in my life and I also share stuff with my not so close friends too, but those someones, they are the real deal, intimate, erotic, secrets, imperfections, weird, esoteric stuff what not? simply put-My Everything. That’s the greatest relish I can ever get in my life, not coitus, not writing awesome poems, not cuddling, not playing NFS n COD,  not jerking off… talking and sharing stuff with my special ones…and if that special one talks/feels the same way I do…irrepressible joy. Hey, I am not saying that I don’t enjoy those “not” stuff…who doesn’t? (😏)

Yeah, you could say I am an introvert changing to extrovert, but there is always that person in me no matter what.

“I strongly believed in- people don’t change, until the right person crossed my life unexpectedly. Changing never felt this good”

 

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Forever is a myth

All the looks that came at me
All the giggles and smirks you gave me
Unforgettable as this pain in me
Always. Always in my Memories

The first time I saw, I knew something…
I still remember the first “hi” like it was yesterday
Bliss as I was in heaven when you text me
Always…always in my memories

The hurt caused by me is unforgettable worst
Trusting you with my everything was even worst
Believing in you is my mistake of sorrows
Always… always in my memories

I Thought I found the one to share “everything”
But you said that’s not a cool thing to do
Left me with nothing but pain
Always…always in my memories

How profound we seemed
Stuff we shared was so interesting
You finding me interesting was even interesting
Always… always in my memories

I think of you at random times, radical thoughts pass on like strikes
You choose ego while I kept it all aside
Sometimes, its just pity for your immaturity
Always…always in my memories

There was so much fun in furtively loving you
I know you got a whole lot of friends you can chat with daily
No matter how much I chat daily, my ache is just burning me inside out…
Always…no matter what…always

 

According to psychology, First Love happens with the wrong person.”

 

Why I am the way I am…

Hahaha…don’t expect I will be telling any personal stuff of my life. Ya, this might be a personal post, but not that personal post…So…
Let’s start from the very beginning…right from my childhood I was the silent guy in the class. I only used to be bothered about my business. I didn’t give a damn about other people’s business. Note that I am not saying I was a weirdo (everyone is weird in their own way), I just didn’t find talking interesting.
Then, I moved to the city…I was nobody. There used to be a guy to whom I used to talk like hell all the time. He was the only bestfriend I had in complete school life. Even I didn’t realize that I was talking to him that much! After few years, he shifted school. So, that’s been kind a the end of it. After that, I…I just became silent, again. There was (still is) this guy that I liked very much, the way he talks, the way he handles, his nature, the popular kid in the class. So, obviously every lunatic would like to spend time with him. And there was this fucking jealousy idiot who used to be around this popular kid like Wi-Fi. Irritating part? He never used to, especially me, let me interact with him(popular kid) peacefully. You should also know that I wasn’t regular to school, a truant. Like not like I used to roam around the streets, watch movies. I used to be at my house only (My parents would go to their jobs earlier than me, my bro was not around). What I would do? Being a cat lover and the advantage of having many cats in the apartment, I used to invite them home and play, obviously. Watch TV, play PS2, complete notes, read a little. So, where was I…ah…so this guy hates the idea of me talking to that popular kid. I fucking hated him and he hated me too. Later, I became a senior. Realized some stuff, he only hates me cause he could never be me. See, My 9th standard class teacher gave a lecture to the whole class that why can’t you be like Minnu teja (the silence and discipline were the highlights), it went for like 5-10min and I was freaking there in the class, all eyes on me. See, I do talk, only if it’s necessary. I don’t like unnecessary bullshit talks. You don’t know how much I wanted to talk to that popular kid, even if it’s unnecessary! I just didn’t want to get into any trouble then, I could easily take down that son of a bitch then and now too.

So…that’s how my interaction with people was in the school. Girls? Girlfriends? Nah…I hardly used to talk. Not only me, most of the guys I guess. But I could pretty much say the exact number of crushes I had and I also know which girls hit on me. And if a girl (my crush) asks me whether I have a crush on her or not, I would say it directly. I am a straight fuck, I mean I am a straight forward in nature. So, that’s that.
Coming to college life. I Can’t say much here, cause I don’t want to. I went to a prestige college from not so popular school. So, it was hard for me to mingle there. Besides, it was those days when I used to wake up at 0400 and sleep at 0930-1000, just so I could at least study for 2 hr at house. I don’t know, but I think I felt insecure there(college). So, I was pretty much the alone ranger all the time. And I only had one crush in the entire 2 years, was a crush at the end. This is how it went. I never went into any relationship cause there was no girl that fit the description.
Now, lets come to sharing stuff. Being a introvert, you could pretty much say that I was damn secretive. It’s not that I was secretive, it’s just that I didn’t find anyone that I could feel like talking. After a major life event, there was someone I felt like sharing everything, but that person said it’s not a good idea to share everything and left me alone, in pain and recently, there was this another person, I felt the same and something more, to share stuff, but that person wanted to be alone, was (still is) in pain, and left me alone. (I don’t know how, but I am gonna fucking change that:-see edit 2)
So, you see…it’s pretty much the people around me and the circumstances that made me who I am now.

I shared this information because that’s one of the major reasons of who I am. There are intimate personal stuff that really gives you the total sense which I obviously can’t type here.

Hope you enjoyed reading this…

People say to not to expect things, but it’s human nature to do so, and I am kind of a guy that contemplates a lot before getting personal with anyone. Every time I did that, I was left in pain.

Edit 1: I won’t be sharing about that vision of mine which came true. Sorry if you kept any expectations.

Edit 2: I don’t know if I would be able to change that fucking thing, cause I respect other person’s decision, especially this person.

Google can control you.

Yeah, you heard it right. A search engine can control your thought process. My brother told me this long time ago, I said bullshit, but now I realize. How? Maybe some of you might already know this.

Let me start with a small yet thought provoking example…what’s ailurophile? I am pretty sure most of you guys and girls looked it up, most likely in google. Ok, now that you got it 🐱(or lazy enough to tap some buttons and want to read my post 1st or you just don’t give a damn. lol). Moving on…What does “retort” mean? Look here👇…that’s what Google would show. (Pay attention to the verb part)

FireShot Capture 2 - retort - Google Search_ - https___www.google.com_search

Now look at the definition provided by WordWeb…

Capture

Noun, verb, whatever, the point is, you see the difference? Yeah, you might be thinking that both provided a similar definition. If you think that, you are dead wrong. Google missed the key concept of that definition there, i.e., “quick reply…”. I don’t know if it’s intentionally or a mistake done by google, but my bet is not on guileless. That’s just a etsy petsy tiny example. There are considerable big ones too which I won’t be going into. The sites which it recommends, that is, which to show up at the top and which to leave behind. Depends on Ads? Not just Ads, I believe. The information which it tries it’s best to keep from us by showing unnecessary stuff. So, I just wanna say that don’t just trust everything that’s visible to you on the screen. Have a wide mind. Research a bit more. Though there are many more, that’s the best word(retort) I could come up with an example.

I just looked it up in Bing and I was shocked! Why? it’s the same definition but there’s a little tag which says- From Oxford Dictionaries. The dictionary I used in my childhood wasn’t precise enough! Wow. Well Oxford freaking dictionary, you made my point. Not to make any definition finalize unless you searched in multiple dictionaries. I believe the same logic applies in looking up something in search engines. Especially, if it’s something related to medical stuff (diseases). If you give a damn a little more, I would say try any VPN service and type same thing in different countries. I am pretty sure you would be jaw dropped.

Unknown & I quote- “It’s kind a ironic that if you take from one, it’s plagiarism and if you take from many, it’s research.”

Can you keep a secret?

Shhhhh…Chup!

We all have secrets, if you don’t, then that would be inhuman. What is it about secrets that we are so keen to share it with…eh…well, the person whom you are willing to tell. Cocky feeling by sharing that thing with that person… or just the “joy” of sharing with that person…or you just can’t keep your mouth shut with that person!😉 or you are so need in love or any other 156 reasons of sharing. But all that doesn’t intrigue me. What does? Keeping a secret as a secret as long as possible (ALAP) cause forever is a myth.

Now, that’s hard. Keeping a secret as secret. There is so much urge to tell that person. We feel like telling them everything. And by everything, I mean “everything”. But there comes the question of trust. Trust? or is it just the fear? Fear of breaking a trust. Faith? huh! “Calculated risk”.  No matter how much we want to tell them, there are always second thoughts (If you don’t, you better start having them). And we all know there is something hackable called “diary”, in which we keep our unuttered words, weird thoughts, ideas, and feel oneself something good and also think they are safely guarded with 256-bit encryption . Of course there are dark sides too, the sad part. I don’t want to get into that cause that’s not the point here.  But everyday(or occasionally), we think of what would happen if I share this with that person. Is it a wise choice? Will that person be able to be loyal at “that” instinct? My real question is this: Does that person deserve to know this? and when I say deserve, it doesn’t mean of your best friend or your partner or that irreplaceable person, it means that does that person has that “bond” with you to know and understand it. And by bond I mean the “strongest unbreakable” friendship cause whatever it is or was, it all started as friendship.

Hence people (well, very few indeed) contemplate like cross checking a rocket scheduled to launch. One must take risks, more precisely, a “calculated risk” to make the best there is. Having a friend who keeps “ALL’ of your secrets as a secret ALAP, a friend who never leaves you in the time of need, a friend who is damn mischief enough and has a little touch of pure maturity, a friend who pushes you up rather than pulling, a shoulder to cry on, a friend who speaks your mind, a friend who won’t hesitate to point the mistake in you…much more and that friend will truly be irreplaceable in your life. Having someone like that on this blue planet is just damn lucky.

Now, am I lucky? Let me know your thoughts stranger. I would appreciate it.

“My experiences made me a strong person, but I wish I wasn’t.”

Inescapable inane past?

When I say past, it doesn’t mean the time or people, it means the memories. You can’t just remove the memories from your brain now, like a snap!, can you? So, the best thing to do is to replace them? Hmm…that’s one more inane thing to do cause there will always be a moment when a small tone or a similar stuff happens and all the flashback hits like lighting. So, the best thing to do is to live in the moment and not to give a thought. Easier said then done. Yep!

I always try to remove the things that remind me of something that I don’t want to remember. Delete photos, songs, apps or even not wearing that t-shirt. Eventually, I can’t turn down every part of my life now, can I? That would be unwise. So, ignore is what I will do. I must say, that’s not “just” ignore.

Say For example,

 

 

I uninstalled and reinstalled music app(not the 1st time), so that I can have a fresh look. But, I don’t know from where the hell the playlists are coming from. I deleted the local data. I don’t know whether it’s backed up in Google drive or not. So, I just deleted them manually, hopefully forever.

There are many “pasts”, but there is only one that’s been on the horizon. Others…they are just in the archives which hardly, like HARDLY come to the surface.

The art of not giving a fuck is something that keeps me moving from falling

Why this blog?


That’s an intriguing question, isn’t? Why a 17-year old swagger like me is building a blog. To share some “worth sharing” stuff? like Photography? Quotes? Experiences? or is it just a time pass and to let you speak-“Hey, heard about thecatscanny? It’s cool…”

The real reason is this: I am building my career. Period. I want to have ton of experiences. Yes, I might share Photography, Quotes, morals, blah blah blahs… Building a blog gives experience? How right? Yeah, you might be thinking I am stupid. Well, guess what? I am stupid, but I also know how the world works. You will get to know if you keep up with the loon. Besides, I want to share my life with the world.

I wanted to start with my blog at the age of 15 itself when my irritating yet caring bro gave me a spark. Why didn’t I? Hmm…Check my about for that. Finally, I am “making” time in my precious life, especially when it’s hard to manage time for a guy like me.
I don’t like asking for Likes, comments, share, stuff like that, but, give a thought to this: What’s the purpose of human race? To live as long as possible right? How did we reach here? How come you are able to read this via Screen? We pass our knowledge to next generation. That’s how. Every scientist you have heard of, every invention you could name, every gadget you have at your home, wouldn’t have come into life if we didn’t share “stuff.” I am not saying my stuff is something like that…just sayings. Yes, I would appreciate you, without a doubt, with almost every fiber of my being if you are one among the reasons for spreading My Blog or making comments or simply hitting that like button. All that gives me extra boost to post more frequently. 

Edit 1: I must say I hit that backspace button many times while writing this post.